Coming Back To You Read online

  Brad didn’t seem afraid of commitment. He’d been married once, and even though he’d been divorced, he was out here trying to meet someone else, daring to try again despite past failure, unlike Mark, who had never recovered from being jilted and a lifetime of letting go of his heart only to have it squashed. If she sat around waiting for Mark, she would only meet disappointment. Mark wouldn’t come back. And if he did, he would never marry her. He would never want a commitment. Brad seemed more than ready for both.

  “Yes,” she said. “I’ll be back next week. What about you?”

  His smile lit up his whole face. “I will be now.” He walked her to her car. “Good night, Karma. Happy Valentine’s Day. I’ll see you next week.”

  “Happy Valentine’s Day to you, too.” A tiny bubble of excitement gurgled in her heart.

  As she drove home, she silently thanked Mark for everything he’d taught her. Without his help, she wasn’t sure she would have met Brad, and she wasn’t sure she would have felt enough confidence to talk to him.

  Maybe Jan was right. Maybe Mark’s purpose had merely been as a catalyst. A stepping-stone from one phase of her life to another. She would still need time to get over him, but tonight had been a good first step.

  Chapter 7

  February 25

  Karma’s Blog

  “I’m Insane”

  What am I thinking? I must be insane. How do I let my therapist talk me into these things?

  I just signed up to run this year’s Mini-Marathon the first weekend of May, which means I have only two months to prepare.

  Sure, I ran cross-country in high school and did a little running in college, but that’s been almost three years ago. I guess I’ll find out soon enough if this decision is a colossal fail or the best idea I’ve ever had.

  To help prepare, I finally used my bonus money and bought a state-of-the-art treadmill and spin bike this week, and they’ll be delivered this afternoon. My friends are coming over this morning to help me clean out my second bedroom so I can turn it into my training room. The treadmill and bike will go in there, along with a few pairs of dumbbells I purchased for cross-training.

  M would be proud. I’m actually going to weight train.

  Dad would be proud, too. I’ve actually put on a couple of pounds now that I’m eating again.

  I’ll be eating a lot more, too. I need to feed my body as I embark on this intense training schedule. Luckily, my new friend B is going to help. He’s running the Mini, too. We talked about it during this week’s cooking class. So, now that the weather is starting to break for spring, we’ll meet a couple times a week at the gym to help each other cross-train, although I think he’ll be helping me more than I’m helping him. Once I’m able to run distance, we’ll start hitting the trails. The race will be here before I know it.

  B’s a nice guy. Not M, but really, there will never be another M. But B is a good guy. I like him. I have no idea where things will go, but I guess it’s time I moved on, and B seems like a good man to do that with.

  A knock at her door drew Karma’s attention away from typing. She quickly hit Publish then darted into the living room.

  “Hey, guys!” Her best friends, Daniel and Lisa, stepped inside.

  Daniel hugged her. “You look good, honey.”

  “Thanks. So do you. How’s that hubby of yours?”

  “Zach’s sexy as ever.”

  “You two make me jealous, you know.” Karma gave him another squeeze before letting go.

  “Why’s that?” He peeled out of his coat.

  “Because your relationship is perfect.” She would give anything to have the kind of relationship Daniel and Zach had. So full of passion and love.

  Daniel winked and meandered into the kitchen, leaving her with Lisa.

  “You do look a lot better, sweetie.” Lisa draped her coat over the arm of the couch beside Daniel’s. “The question is, do you feel as good as you look?”

  Karma nodded, albeit slowly. “I think so.” She’d been spending more time with Brad, and while he didn’t blow her mind the way Mark had, she liked him. “I think I’m finally making a turnaround.”

  Daniel reappeared with a glass of iced tea. “When are they delivering your torture device? I can’t believe you’re taking up running again.” He led everyone back to the spare bedroom.

  “Hey, don’t dis my passions, Daniel.” She lightly shoved his arm. “And the delivery guy said after one o’clock. They’re supposed to call thirty minutes before they arrive.” Karma pulled her auburn hair into a ponytail. She really needed a haircut.

  “What’s this?” Lisa said, pointing to her computer. “Chocolate Chunk Brownies? Karma, is this—?”

  “It’s nothing.” She quickly closed her laptop.

  The looks on Daniel’s and Lisa’s faces indicated they weren’t buying it.

  “Fine.” She slumped into the chair and reopened her laptop. “I started a blog about him, but it was my therapist’s idea.”

  “Why?” Lisa parked her butt on the corner of the desk, concern etched in her face.

  “She thought it would help me process my emotions or something.” She glanced at the screen. “I promise I’m not dwelling on him or anything like that.”

  Daniel and Lisa exchanged glances. They knew how hard Mark’s departure had been on her. They’d worried about her for months. Now that she seemed to be turning her life around and moving on it was understandable her writing a blog about him would unnerve them.

  “Well…” Daniel glanced into his glass then met Karma’s gaze, his eyes filled with concern.

  “What?” Karma didn’t like his expression. He looked like he had bad news. Scary bad. “What is it, Daniel?”

  He set down his glass, dug into his back pocket, and pulled out a folded sheet of glossy paper. “I get Chicago magazine. I finally got around to reading last month’s issue and saw this.” He unfolded the paper and handed it to Karma.

  She scanned the title on the page then inspected the picture. It was an article about New Year’s Eve. The picture was of two Chicago football players at some party.

  “So?” She shrugged and turned confused eyes on Daniel then Lisa. “Am I missing something here?”

  Lisa sighed, and the sound held as much foreboding as Daniel’s expression. “Look in the background.”

  Karma glanced at the picture again and her heart stopped. “Oh.” A lump formed in her throat when she saw Mark standing arm in arm with a tall, beautiful, busty woman who was clearly smitten with him. “How nice for him.” She handed the ripped-out page back to Daniel.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “But we thought you needed to know.” Lisa touched her arm.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Karma shook her head and aimed her gaze into the hallway as if searching for something that wasn’t there.

  So, Mark had replaced her already. And with a woman who couldn’t have been more opposite from her. She wasn’t sure what hurt worse, that he was gone, or that the next woman he’d moved on to had boobs the size of cantaloupes when hers were merely kiwis. She cleared her throat and glanced back at her blog. “Well, at least I have something new to write about in my next post, right?”

  Daniel and Lisa nodded warily.

  “That’s one way to look at it,” Daniel said. “You sure you’re okay?”

  Karma pushed a smile onto her face. “I’m great. Really. I’m seeing someone, too. Did you know that?” She and Brad hadn’t actually been out on any dates, but she knew he wanted to ask her. And when he did, she would say yes. Absolutely. No question about it this time around. And it was time she let her friends know she had another suitor.

  “I didn’t know you were dating again.” Lisa appeared relieved but surprised. “When did this happen?”

  Karma gave a flippant shrug and sat back. “I met him on Valentine’s Day. He’s going to help me train for the Mini-Marathon, too.”

  “Oh my God, really?” Daniel’s eyes flew open. “You�
�re running a marathon? I thought you were just using the new treadmill for exercise. How about that? You’re running competitively again. I take back my jab about the torture device.” He lightly tapped her knee.

  “Yep, so see, I’ve never been better. I’ve got a new guy, a new hobby, and I’m cooking again. Life’s great.”

  “So I guess the blog’s been helping then, huh?” Lisa gestured toward her laptop.

  “Yep, it’s been a great help.” The image of Mark with that woman scored her mind like a knife as she turned back to her computer screen. There was definitely a venting blog post in her near future.

  “How so?” Daniel sounded cautious, as if he wasn’t quite buying her show of cheerful confidence. Then again, Daniel knew her better than anyone and could probably tell she was putting on a happy face when inside she was hurting.

  “I don’t know…” She waved at her computer screen. “It’s just helping me work through everything. Writing about him and where I am now is giving me perspective.”

  “And you called it ‘Chocolate Chunk Brownies?’” Lisa gave her a tight smile as she glanced at her laptop.

  “I thought that was as good a name as any.”

  “With significant meaning, too.” Lisa arched one brow.

  “Yes. But it’s also ambiguous. The blog is anonymous, so you guys can’t tell anyone about it, okay. I want to keep it a secret.”

  Lisa and Daniel both crossed their index fingers over their chests, silently swearing their allegiance.

  Daniel pulled a giant beanbag chair out of the corner and plopped down. “Can we read it?”

  Karma almost laughed at the beggar-boy expression on Daniel’s face. “Can I stop you? I mean, now that you know the name of the blog, you can read it pretty much any time you want.”

  Daniel grinned as if he’d just been granted three wishes.

  Karma pointed a finger at him. “But you can’t tell anyone, and I don’t want any commentary from the peanut gallery.” She hardened her stare on Daniel then turned toward Lisa. “And you two are the peanut gallery.”

  Lisa held up her hands, giggling. “Hey, I’m down with keeping my mouth shut if motormouth over here is.” She nodded toward Daniel.

  Daniel held out his hands, palms up. “Why are you looking at me? I can keep a secret.”

  “Okay, fine.” Karma relaxed into her chair. “But seriously, guys, this blog is deeply personal. I reveal everything. Talk about baring your heart and soul.” She cast a sideways glance at the screen. “Some of the things I write about are incredibly painful. Others are more heartfelt. Either way, I’ve cried a lot of tears into what I’ve written here.”

  And she would cry a few more when she was alone and had a chance to fully process that Mark had moved on without her. All the more reason for her to do the same with Brad.

  “But as long as it’s helping, it’s all good, right?” Daniel glanced from Karma to Lisa and back again.

  Karma considered the question. Admittedly, she felt stronger now than she had two months ago. At least until she’d seen that picture. But overall, she was in a much better place physically, mentally, and emotionally. How much of that was from the passage of time, and how much was from her sessions with Jan and the “homework” she gave her.

  Funny how she was once more doing homework to make a change in her life. First Mark, now Jan. At some point, she needed to learn how to apply her lessons without someone watching over and guiding her.

  “I think so.” She nodded. “I’m feeling better now.” She hadn’t cried in over two weeks. “And…” She glanced toward the window. Pellets of sleet tapped the glass, and rivulets of rain ran down the pane.

  “And what?” Lisa said.

  “And…I kind of like this Brad guy.”

  “That’s great.” Lisa’s smile lit up the room.

  “So where did you two meet, anyway?” Daniel leaned forward and chucked her knee.

  “I actually met him last summer at the bookstore, but I met him again at this place I’ve started going to called Single Servings.”

  “I’ve heard of that,” Lisa said. “Cooking club for single people, right?”

  “Yes.”

  Daniel gave her a sly look. “And I bet you two can cook, sister.” He snapped his fingers.

  Warmth shot into her face. “It’s not like that.”

  “Not yet.” Daniel cocked his head to one side. “But give it time and a little tumble in the sheets, and you’ll be saying, ‘Mark who?’”

  Karma didn’t think she would ever say “Mark who?” The man was permanently imprinted on her soul. He was her first love. He’d been the first man to give her an orgasm. He’d altered not only her perception of herself but also her reality. Without Mark, she wouldn’t be the same woman she was today.

  “I don’t know, Daniel. I’m not sure—”

  “You like Brad, right?” Lisa said, cutting her off as if she didn’t want to let Karma go down that path.

  “Well, yeah. Of course I do.”

  Daniel leaned in. “Is he hot?”

  “Why does it always have to be about looks with you?” She didn’t feel right saying that Brad was hot. He was attractive, but he was no Mark, who had struck her breathless at a glance.

  “Honey, it’s always about the looks. Most people just don’t want to admit it. So, is he? Hot, I mean?”

  Karma giggled. Daniel could be such a breath of vibrant yet incorrigible air. “He’s attractive.”

  Lisa jumped back in. “How old is he?”

  Daniel waved his hand. “Who cares, sister? He sounds fine.”

  Karma shook her head at Daniel’s exuberance then turned back toward Lisa. “I don’t know, but older. Maybe mid- to late-thirties. He has a twelve-year-old daughter.”

  “Oooohhh.” Daniel sucked his tongue between his teeth, making a sound between a chirp and a tsk, and then exchanged cautious glances with Lisa.

  “What?” Karma said.

  Daniel gave her a compassionate look, his eyebrows upturned over his nose. “A man with a kid. You are going to have to win that young thing over if you want to be with her dad. I hope you know that.”

  Karma huffed. “He hasn’t actually asked me out, but I know he will. And when he does, I’m sure it will be a while before I meet Jade.”

  “You already know her name?” Lisa’s mouth curled into a knowing grin.

  “Yeah, so?”

  “So, that means he’s already asked you out, you just don’t know it, yet.”

  “I think I would remember if he’d asked me out, Leese.”

  She held up her hand. “He may not have actually asked, but in his mind, he already has. Mark my words, he wouldn’t have told you about his daughter and given you her name if he wasn’t planning on asking you out.”

  True. Brad had told her quite a bit about Jade. Would he really have done that with just anyone?

  “Enough about my social life.” Karma waved her hands as if clearing a swarm of gnats. “We need to work. This stuff isn’t going to move itself, and we only have…” She checked the clock. “Two hours.”

  She didn’t want to get any deeper into the discussion about her and Brad. They’d only seen each other twice at Single Servings and once at the gym to discuss training for the Mini. She liked him. He was nice. He made her smile. But right now it was time to work.

  Chapter 8

  St. Patrick’s Day

  Sweat poured from Mark’s body. He was drenched, but he refused to stop.

  “One more set,” Rob said, poised behind the bench press.

  Since Mark’s global meltdown in January, he and Rob had made amends, and Rob was doing his best to be down with Mark’s plan to give fate time to work through the red tape of bringing Karma back to him.

  Mark lay back on the bench and gripped the bar.

  Rob stood ready to spot him through his last grueling set. “How many?”

  “Eight.”

  “Got it.”

  After taking a serie
s of deep breaths to oxygenate his muscles, Mark pushed the weighted bar off the rack and balanced it above his chest.

  Inhaling on the way down and exhaling on the way back up, he worked through the first four reps without much distress. But on number five, his fatigued muscles protested. By rep seven, he was straining. This may have been his lightest set of eight, but after five hardcore sets, the eighth rep wasn’t coming easily.

  Holding the bar over his body, Mark took several rapid, deep breaths as Rob moved in and placed his hands under the bar.

  “You’ve got this, Mark.” Rob was using his personal training voice. The one edged with grit and determination. “Come on. One more. Don’t you puss out.”

  His arms burned. His shoulders and chest screamed. But he was doing this for her. In the beginning, his brutal workouts had been about trying to forget Karma. About pushing her from his thoughts. But now the grab-him-by-the-balls beatings he gave himself five times a week had morphed into an almost meditative practice where his determination to be with her again overtook everything else. Instead of using this time to clear his head, he used it to visualize the two of them together. One way or another, he was going to make that happen.

  Taking one final breath, he lowered the bar then growled, straining as he pushed it back up. Rob began to help.

  “No!” Mark would see this through by himself. He would complete this set without needing Rob to save him.

  Slowly, he ground out the last rep and dropped the bar back on the rack.

  “Good job.” Rob blew out an exhale as if he’d been the one pounding it out instead of Mark.

  “Fuck.” Mark swung himself upright and rested, legs on either side of the bench, elbows on his knees.

  His hair had grown out and hung over his face as he stared down at the floor. Droplets of perspiration trickled down his neck and back.

  I will get her back. Damn it, I will.

  After allowing him to rest another thirty seconds, Rob tossed him a towel and his water bottle. “Break over. Let’s hit the pads.”

  This was what made Rob the most popular personal trainer at the gym, even if he only worked there part time. The guy was ruthless. He built a program and made his clients stick to it. Which was why Mark had told Rob to build him the most insane program he could. He needed the challenge, not only for his body but also for his mind. And it was working. The gym sessions were so intense that it was no wonder they felt more like meditation than a workout. With the shit Rob threw at him, Mark definitely had to get down with the idea of mind over matter. Otherwise, matter would kick his ass.